Prophetic Christian

Being Bipolar and a Prophetic Christian
By Matthew Robert Payne

The Manic high beats everything

I asked a friend one day, a friend from my school days who has Bipolar like me, “Compared to all the drugs you have done, where does the “Manic” high stand?”

“It beats everything,” he replied with a knowing smile.

Well the only drug I have done is pot and that made my head go a bit crazy and I only had it a few times and the more I refused it, the more I was offered the drug for free from all sorts of people. So I have to take my friend’s advice on it.

Because the high is so powerful and the visions of grandeur so darn good, anybody would want to really achieve what your mind tells you. For many years, I believed I was one of the two last prophets that are going to visit the earth shortly before Christ returns. These prophets have a whole chapter devoted to them in Revelation chapter 11 and I wanted to know all about my job and spent many years trying to find the “other” prophet. This caused me a lot of heartache. In all the years I believed that I was one of the two prophets, few people ever seemed to agree with me. The idea of being one of the most important people in the history of the world gave me great feelings of importance and boosted my low self image considerably.

The Bipolar “high” is a feeling for me that I am all powerful and that I am right and everyone else is wrong and when I need to go to hospital I am the only one that seems to think I don’t have to go. This causes people who love me much distress.

Your friends and family suffer.

My friends and family have suffered much from my sickness and I am confident this is why I will remain on my medication. I have seen my mother in tears and really worried and this image is always in my mind. The illness can be very deceiving to a person when they suffer and the “Voices” tell you everything is fine when everything is not fine. I have much compassion for the loved ones of people who suffer.

I might add that the feeling I was one of the two prophets mentioned did not go away in the six years between hospital visits, yet my need to tell people that I was, diminished considerably.